I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GIRLS

I am not really sure if the term 'girl' I used above is appropriate for what I want to share with you but I will still use it anyway. I was not sure if I should use girl or female or women. All these adjectives have made me very confused with the depth of what I want to say. In case you feel offended, you feel you deserve more than a girl, my million apologies to you. If not, lets box on.

I am a young man who should be having a girlfriend if not more than two as many young people do but I find myself without one for the past three to four years. I am sorry I cannot go through the details of what has actually caused this situation of mine. The summary is that, the last girl that I went out with that I was hoping to tie the knot with had something else in mind.

Please, do not get me wrong and go on a wild goose chase to think of her as doing anything bad to me like cheating on me or something. Its far from that. She was a good girl who up till now, I still think that she does not have the guts to do anything like that looking at her nature. All the same, human beings can be very funny sometimes so you will never know. Not even if they tell you so. That is not the point anyway because I do trust her a lot. So the end result is that, I have remained 'girlfriendless' from then till now.

Lets go back and do a bit of catch up and then we can come back to the substance of this long story of mine. When I was about seven to ten years, that was a few years after my parents and I came from the then Ivory Coast. I loved dancing and watching movies a lot and so you will almost always find me at wake-keeping (spending overnight morning dead people or dead body). During those times, that was the only place you could dance to loud music while attracting much attention from people around. There were just a handful of people who even had black and white TV to show kids programme if any on TV.

Whenever I got to these places and I was dancing, I noticed that most of the girls just standing and gazing at my moves and admiring (or so I think). Some of them who are bold enough will gather the courage to come over and attempt to dance with me. The unfortunate situation was that, I was and still a very shy guy. So I could not even try to meet them halfway just to appreciate their boldness. After all, it’s not common in our society.

Another unfortunate situation was that, I did not have two people dancing or pair dancing skills. I mean, during those times, I had the Ivorian dancing style where I would just swing and twist my waist around and blending it with some body movements that made it very difficult to dance with somebody without stepping on the person’s foot or knocking her with my knee or my head. Can you you fathom that kind of dance?

Because of that, most of them learned the hard way that they should not get close to me especially when I am dancing. Those whom I consider to be more courageous will come around after the dancing period to talk to me and praise me for my moves. During those times we did not care so much about the names of the moves we were making like the young people do today. Nowadays, when you dance without making certain moves that is so called current, you do not know how to dance especially among people in the cities.

Anyway, I was almost flooded with different girls every time I got the opportunity for people to watch. I quite remember once I had to dance in front of my uncle’s shop and a lot of people passing by will just throw money on me and some other guys that I competed with for our performance. But gradually, I came out of dancing because I became conscious of a certain inabilities of mine. I could not do anything much without being afraid that somebody will tease me with that and that ended my dancing period of my history.

I was personally not that interested in girls because I was most afraid of getting a girl pregnant and having to take care of her but I would say they were interested in me. When a few friends of mine identified this, they made it a point to take advantage of that opportunity. What they did was that, when they see a girl they think that they were interested in, they will ask me to talk to her for them. In my case, I liked that too because it meant that it was going to reduce the number of girls who will be looking up to me for future intimate relation or marriage or something. I mean, once I had to run away from school because a girl was chasing me that she loved me. Can you imagine that?

I did quite well mediating as we use to call it 'betweener' then. It gave me the room to play around with girls that I was not having intimate relationship with and do all that I wanted without having to sleep or have sex with them. I thought the idea was very commendable one so I did it very seriously and well.

One of the girls for instance was selling 'kenkey' (Ghanaian dish made of corn) in front of my house. Whenever I was given money to buy food, I will just go to her and tell her I was hungry and she will give me food to eat free of charge. For that reason, I made sure that I was not eating from the house so that when I am given money, I will go and eat for free and use the money to watch movies at the various cinema centres in town.

I know by now you are wondering so what is it about girls I do not like. Well, do not loose hope yet, I was just reminiscing.

Personally these are the problems I have with 'girls':

I don't want to just propose to a lady whiles I believe in my heart that I am not ready to commit yet. I am not really sure but, is that wrong on my part? I say this because I value my integrity a lot and as a result I want to be really and extra sure before I open my mouth to propose to a lady. I remember the first time I proposed to my first sweetheart, Olivia. A senior of mine who was also a house mate thought the girl likes me so I should propose to her.

I did not like the idea because I had never done it in my life before. This girl was bold enough to fight with some classmates of mine in the dormitory because they were talking about me. She will then come to class the following day to tell me all about it. I thought about it for a day or two and I decided to heed to the advice given to me by my senior.

I was not and still not the kind that listen to any advice and just jump into action. But this one, I had to because I love to try and have a feel myself. One of the things that made me choose to do it was that, the girl was bold in my books. I mean, when I meet or see bold girls, I just melt for them. Not in the sexual way but it encourages me to do whatever I can to help them in whatever they are doing.

I remember the first time I was transferred to the school, I just sat on the first seat that I could find. The day ended and I went home to prepare for the next day. I came back the following morning and sat on the same chair. A young lady walked into the class and started screaming in a small and soft voice. She started moving back upon seeing me on the seat and saying that she never sits with males.

Nooo!!!!! she will not sit with me on that double seat bench. You can imagine how embarrassed I felt on my second day in a different school. I just looked at her and I could not imagine what she meant by that. I just looked on and I could not do anything about it. One guy in the room asked me to sit beside him at the back of the class. I embarrassingly stood up gently and moved to the back seat. It felt like three kilometers journey because the lady was still standing outside waiting for me to sit first before she sits on her seat.

At long last, I got to the seat and sat down. Almost immediately, this beautiful black girl walked in and asked what happened and those in the room explained to her. She immediately said I could come and sit beside her because we hail from the same town. I gently stood up again and moved to her sit. She asked me to sit in the corner whiles she sits on the first seat. By the following morning, she had asked me all the questions she wanted to and told me not to mind the girl who treated me that way. I just nodded my head and thanked her.

From then on, one issue after the other and she always complained about her mates and how they were treating me to our seniors in their dormitory. We even came with an idea that we wanted to start a church and she said I was going to be the head pastor and she was going to be head pastor's wife. Upon hearing that suggesting, I decided to give it a try. I came the following morning with a letter that I had written the previous night. Well decorated with yellow flowers on the background and stickers at the top. I just slipped it into her book and left for home that day after school. She came to class the following morning pretending as if nothing had happened. After closing I asked about the response to my letter and she said no in addition to some reasons. I felt disappointed in myself and left the class without saying anything to her.

When I came to school the following morning, I decided not to talk to her again because I thought she had disgraced me. Throughout the day, I was moving from one seat to the other because I had found my feet and knew my way around. By the end of school hours, she brought me a letter explaining why she said no but she had thought it over and had decided to say yes to my proposal. I laughed my head out with my younger brother on the way home. I came the following day with a gift. I will end that long story for now.

She is married with twins if you care to know. Since then, I have never proposed to a girl either with a letter or by mouth again. What do you think the reason is?