COMMON COMPLAINS FROM MARRIED COUPLES

Whether you marriage is days or decades old, there are various intervention systems that can be put in place to rectify the situation. Whiles a few can be mentioned due to time and space, you can continue to find out more in order to sustain your marriage or the marriage of others that you have the power to influence.

MY MATE AND I ARE GROWING APART
Your marriage should be one of the most important things in your life. It deserves priority in most cases. You therefore need to check whether your schedules contribute to the complaint you have been hearing so many times. It is not easy, but do not let the necessary business of life cause you and your spouse to live separate lives. Of coarse the demands of modern work environment and other unavoidable situations may temporarily force you out of each other’s company. But you can and should put a limit on anything over which you have control like times spent with friends and on hobbies.

Some spouses, however, may take on extra work or hobbies just so they do not have to spend time with their mate. Such individuals are not “growing apart” from their spouse. They are running away from problems. If you or your mate falls into that category, you need to identify the underlying issues and deal with them. Only by sharing your life with your mate can the two of you grow together and understand each other.

I AM NO LONGER GETTING WHAT I WANT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP
Generally, any person who is primarily concerned with what he/she is getting from marriage will never be truly happy, even if that individual remarries many times. Marriage works when each partner focuses more on giving than on receiving. After all, there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving as the bible says. The two partners should therefore understand that, looking out for your interest alone will not make the marriage work because it sounds more like you are being more than selfish. Since you all decided together to live your lives together no matter the situation, you will be happier if you were to make the other person’s interest sometime more important than your own interest. In short, just give yourself the chance to be in the other person’s shoes and ask your self, I would I also love to be treated like the way I am treating him/her? You have to always overcome your problems and challenges as they come and that will make the marriage last for a life time.

MY PARTNER DOES NOT LIVE UP TO HIS/HER OBLIGATIONS
Without doubt, marriage will not function at its best if only one partner contributes to its success. But the situation will be worse if both partners are negligent, each blaming the other.

I you dwell primarily on what your partner should be doing, you doom yourself to a life of misery. Especially will that be so if you use your partner’s shortcomings as an excuse to abdicate your own responsibilities. On the other hand, if you strive to be a good husband or a good wife, your marriage will likely improve. Mostly, young people especially erroneously think that marriage is just an event and not a journey. As a result, major part of their preparation towards the holy matrimony is on the day or few weeks after marriage. But a lot of the work on marriage is living after the ceremony and not the other way round. In the end, it is important for each partner to know that it is best to take the initiative in trying to make peace and both calm down to talk the main issues out.

MY WIFE IS NOT SUBMISSIVE
A husband who feels that his wife is not submissive should first examine whether he is also willing to show submission to his wife. Yes, men have been made the head in every marriage situation but it does not give you the right to just be the boss and nothing else. Sometimes it is very necessary to come down to the level of your partner in order to understand them better and live with them happily. What you see standing on top of a story building is not the same you will see when you are standing down and looking up of a story building. If nothing at all, it seriously affects your perception. It is the same with marriage roles. Husbands give your wives clear directions as head of the family and correct them when necessary. But you should not be harsh to them but rather be kind to them and make adequate allowance for their limitations as humans as you will expect them to do the same to you. Learn to put your partners interest ahead of your sometimes.

What will you think about a woman who disagrees with you and respectfully disagree you’re your view? This does not require terrorizing her into silence or browbeating your wife, demanding that she be subject to every whim. But you will earn your wife’s respect by exercising your headship in a compassionate manner. Your wife deserves to be treated not as a second-class citizen but as an intelligent and capable partner.


MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SHOW INITIATIVE
If your husband is reluctant to make decisions or take the lead in managing the household, you have at least three options:
1. You could constantly point out his failings in a very polite manner. You know men do not like to be told what to do just because they want to keep their pride by pretending to know so much which they might not necessarily do.
2. You could usurp his role as head of the family. It is possible to initiate something and then ask the man to lead in implementing it so that other people can praise him for doing what you have planned and if possible implemented already. A continuous praises like that can boost his confidence to try others on his own.
3. You could sincerely commend him for any efforts he does make. Every human being likes to be praised for the little effort they make most especially males. This condition can easily put him gradually into being initiative if it is well done.

If you choose either of the first two options, you will likely tear down your house with own you hands unless it is done with all the precautions necessary. It is always advisable to choose the third option which will definitely help to build up, or strengthen your marriage firmly. That is what makes marriage more fun. Although you think you are helping your partner to in order to make your marriage work, just relax and think about all the processes that you went through into reaching your goal and you will realize how happy it makes you whenever you give it a thought.
Many men value respect even more than love. So if you make your husband fell respected. That is, to make him feel that his efforts to take the lead in the family are effective and appreciated, he will likely improve in his role. Of course, you will at times disagree with your husband on a matter. The two of you need to discuss those issues and come to a common understanding not necessarily agreeing to everything but agreeing to disagree. The most important thing is the choice of word. Because the words you choose and the tone you use will help either to tear down to build up your marriage. Express yourself respectfully, and you will be more likely to achieve the outcome you want – a husband who does not hesitate to take the lead in the family. Learn to consult your husband instead of just taking decisions on your own.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND MY PARTNER’S ANNOYING HABBITS
When you were first going out, you were likely so focused on your prospective partner’s fine qualities that you barely noticed his/her flaws. Can you do the same now at this point of your relationship? What makes it so difficult to do same? Is it because you have identified an alternative that you think could have been better? No doubt, you partner gives you legitimate cause for complaint. However, ask yourself, ‘On which of my partner’s qualities will I choose to focus, the good or the bad? Nobody said your partner was going to be the best all the time. Challenging times will come and it will need better solutions to overcome them. Have noticed anything about you that he/she also complains about every now and then, what have you done about it or what was your attitude to that complaint? If you intentionally decide to focus on your partner’s annoying traits, those faults will seem to get bigger and bigger. Choose to focus on the qualities that made you fall in love with him/her.