COMMON COMPLAINS FROM MARRIED COUPLES

Whether you marriage is days or decades old, there are various intervention systems that can be put in place to rectify the situation. Whiles a few can be mentioned due to time and space, you can continue to find out more in order to sustain your marriage or the marriage of others that you have the power to influence.

MY MATE AND I ARE GROWING APART
Your marriage should be one of the most important things in your life. It deserves priority in most cases. You therefore need to check whether your schedules contribute to the complaint you have been hearing so many times. It is not easy, but do not let the necessary business of life cause you and your spouse to live separate lives. Of coarse the demands of modern work environment and other unavoidable situations may temporarily force you out of each other’s company. But you can and should put a limit on anything over which you have control like times spent with friends and on hobbies.

Some spouses, however, may take on extra work or hobbies just so they do not have to spend time with their mate. Such individuals are not “growing apart” from their spouse. They are running away from problems. If you or your mate falls into that category, you need to identify the underlying issues and deal with them. Only by sharing your life with your mate can the two of you grow together and understand each other.

I AM NO LONGER GETTING WHAT I WANT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP
Generally, any person who is primarily concerned with what he/she is getting from marriage will never be truly happy, even if that individual remarries many times. Marriage works when each partner focuses more on giving than on receiving. After all, there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving as the bible says. The two partners should therefore understand that, looking out for your interest alone will not make the marriage work because it sounds more like you are being more than selfish. Since you all decided together to live your lives together no matter the situation, you will be happier if you were to make the other person’s interest sometime more important than your own interest. In short, just give yourself the chance to be in the other person’s shoes and ask your self, I would I also love to be treated like the way I am treating him/her? You have to always overcome your problems and challenges as they come and that will make the marriage last for a life time.

MY PARTNER DOES NOT LIVE UP TO HIS/HER OBLIGATIONS
Without doubt, marriage will not function at its best if only one partner contributes to its success. But the situation will be worse if both partners are negligent, each blaming the other.

I you dwell primarily on what your partner should be doing, you doom yourself to a life of misery. Especially will that be so if you use your partner’s shortcomings as an excuse to abdicate your own responsibilities. On the other hand, if you strive to be a good husband or a good wife, your marriage will likely improve. Mostly, young people especially erroneously think that marriage is just an event and not a journey. As a result, major part of their preparation towards the holy matrimony is on the day or few weeks after marriage. But a lot of the work on marriage is living after the ceremony and not the other way round. In the end, it is important for each partner to know that it is best to take the initiative in trying to make peace and both calm down to talk the main issues out.

MY WIFE IS NOT SUBMISSIVE
A husband who feels that his wife is not submissive should first examine whether he is also willing to show submission to his wife. Yes, men have been made the head in every marriage situation but it does not give you the right to just be the boss and nothing else. Sometimes it is very necessary to come down to the level of your partner in order to understand them better and live with them happily. What you see standing on top of a story building is not the same you will see when you are standing down and looking up of a story building. If nothing at all, it seriously affects your perception. It is the same with marriage roles. Husbands give your wives clear directions as head of the family and correct them when necessary. But you should not be harsh to them but rather be kind to them and make adequate allowance for their limitations as humans as you will expect them to do the same to you. Learn to put your partners interest ahead of your sometimes.

What will you think about a woman who disagrees with you and respectfully disagree you’re your view? This does not require terrorizing her into silence or browbeating your wife, demanding that she be subject to every whim. But you will earn your wife’s respect by exercising your headship in a compassionate manner. Your wife deserves to be treated not as a second-class citizen but as an intelligent and capable partner.


MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SHOW INITIATIVE
If your husband is reluctant to make decisions or take the lead in managing the household, you have at least three options:
1. You could constantly point out his failings in a very polite manner. You know men do not like to be told what to do just because they want to keep their pride by pretending to know so much which they might not necessarily do.
2. You could usurp his role as head of the family. It is possible to initiate something and then ask the man to lead in implementing it so that other people can praise him for doing what you have planned and if possible implemented already. A continuous praises like that can boost his confidence to try others on his own.
3. You could sincerely commend him for any efforts he does make. Every human being likes to be praised for the little effort they make most especially males. This condition can easily put him gradually into being initiative if it is well done.

If you choose either of the first two options, you will likely tear down your house with own you hands unless it is done with all the precautions necessary. It is always advisable to choose the third option which will definitely help to build up, or strengthen your marriage firmly. That is what makes marriage more fun. Although you think you are helping your partner to in order to make your marriage work, just relax and think about all the processes that you went through into reaching your goal and you will realize how happy it makes you whenever you give it a thought.
Many men value respect even more than love. So if you make your husband fell respected. That is, to make him feel that his efforts to take the lead in the family are effective and appreciated, he will likely improve in his role. Of course, you will at times disagree with your husband on a matter. The two of you need to discuss those issues and come to a common understanding not necessarily agreeing to everything but agreeing to disagree. The most important thing is the choice of word. Because the words you choose and the tone you use will help either to tear down to build up your marriage. Express yourself respectfully, and you will be more likely to achieve the outcome you want – a husband who does not hesitate to take the lead in the family. Learn to consult your husband instead of just taking decisions on your own.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND MY PARTNER’S ANNOYING HABBITS
When you were first going out, you were likely so focused on your prospective partner’s fine qualities that you barely noticed his/her flaws. Can you do the same now at this point of your relationship? What makes it so difficult to do same? Is it because you have identified an alternative that you think could have been better? No doubt, you partner gives you legitimate cause for complaint. However, ask yourself, ‘On which of my partner’s qualities will I choose to focus, the good or the bad? Nobody said your partner was going to be the best all the time. Challenging times will come and it will need better solutions to overcome them. Have noticed anything about you that he/she also complains about every now and then, what have you done about it or what was your attitude to that complaint? If you intentionally decide to focus on your partner’s annoying traits, those faults will seem to get bigger and bigger. Choose to focus on the qualities that made you fall in love with him/her.

THE CHALLENGE OF SUSTAINING MARRIAGE

Once upon a time, young people had the privilege of just relaxing and waiting for their families to choose their marriage partners for them. Now, young people think that it is not possible. During those times, if any two opposite sex children were noticed to spend more time with each other, the families took the liberty to speculate that they will be good future marriage partners. Sometimes this incident happened as early as five years and above. It therefore offered the family the chance to study the progress of each of their ward’s development and made sure that nothing untoward happened to prevent that holy matrimony, especially when the children’s parents liked and understood each other. This unique opportunity was happy time because the two concerned families did a lot of the work for the two main parties and as a result there was less stress on the children.

The most important part was the gathering of materials and equipments needed to make a home a wonderful one. Each of the families concentrated on organizing all the necessary things to take their ward into a union where they will need just a little more to be more than happy with each other. During those times the families involved enjoyed the union more than the main parties until the two parties are put together. Each partner made it a point to come with the little they could to make life after the event more cherished and fulfilling. In the end, just few marriages broke down and could not work because in those times, the families were more ‘married’ than the individuals and therefore they would want their family names to be treated with all the decorum. The family really made sure that the parties stayed with each other and work their issues out.

The opposite is what is happening now in our modern computerized globalized world. Each of the partners rather needs to do all the work and live almost nothing for the family to do. What the entire families do is just to say yes and we are ready to support you in whatever you do. The consequence is that, when something bad happens, the blame is always placed on the individuals for not being able to work their way around their own problems. And so, they should do whatever they think pleases them. Unfortunately for the young ones of the modern world, there is more work in almost every endeavour that is made available us. Marriage can therefore not be exempted and this phenomenon is contributing so much marriage breakdowns.

With the challenge of keeping with modernity has put so much strain on marriage in this global world. Some 40 percent or more of all marriages ends up divorce due various factors that have proved to be a challenge for many couples. There are people especially the young ones who have started entertaining the idea that marriages fail because the hopelessness that it seems to give in terms of its inability to serve as a check on society makes it irrelevant in the 21st century. Others also believe the arrangement itself is faulty.

Before you also decide to go along with this idea, take a look this scenario: Two couples buy the same model car at the same time. One couple maintains their vehicle well and drives it carefully. Their car does not break down. The other couple invests no time or energy in maintaining their vehicle, and they drive recklessly. That car breaks down and is abandoned. Where does the fault lie for the second outcome, with the car or with the owners? Obviously, the owners bear much of the responsibility.

Similarly, the fact that many marriages fail does not mean that the institution of marriage is somehow flawed. The millions of marriages that succeed prove otherwise. Those marriages bring happiness and stability to individuals, to families, and to communities. But marriages, like a car, needs good care and regular maintenance if it is to last.

ARE FAMILY VALUES FADING AWAY?

Family is the basic unit of procreation on earth. Years past, families could not survive without a man heading affairs to keep the family united and growing. It is becoming common now with single parents most especially with the case of women single-handedly caring for their children.

Since man came to earth, we have always had values that helps us guide ourselves in living with each other peacefully and functional. These values are gradually giving way in the family system due to various factors and apparent among them being technology and the need to keep up financially. Sometime ago, family use to be a strong adhesive kept its members together it did everything it can to sustains its members. That in turn provided supports and nourished the members throughout the span of that family.

Years ago in Western lands, many homes had a treasured ritual. The whole family gathered around a table, at least once a day, to have a meal. No interruptions were allowed. Nobody watched tv, wore earphones, or sent text messages to friends. A peaceful environment provided an opportunity for those present to share daily experiences, absorb wisdom, strengthen family bonds, and laugh together over daily happenings while enjoying wholesome food.

For many people today, the family meal may sound like an old-fashioned custom. In many homes family meals are the exception not the rule. Why do families find it so difficult to eat together? Is this traditional custom worth preserving? What benefits could it bring to each family member?

The fact that it (the evening meal) had visibly diminished in the source of a single generation is remarkable evidence of how rapidly our social connections has been changing. What factors have contributed to this phenomenon? First, the high cost of living has led both husbands and wives to work longer hours. Single parents, whose economic situation is usually more precarious, face an even greater strain on their time.

Second, today’s hectic pace of life encourages fast food and hasty meals. Not only adults but also children have many commitments, such as sports and other after school activities.

Additionally, there are fathers who prefer to arrive home when the toddlers are already asleep because they want to avoid tantrums at supper. Other parents, who do get home in time, choose to give the children supper first and send them to bed so that they could wake up early to prepare for school whiles husband and wife have a quiet meal together.

Such situations lead families to have separate eating sessions. Notes stacked on the refrigerator have come to replace mealtime conversation. Each member of the family arrives home, warms a precooked dish, and sits in front of a Tv set to watch their favourate programmes or sit in front a computer to finish the day’s work better not, sit in front of a game console to play a favourate game. These social trends may seem irreversible. So is it worthwhile to think seriously about bucking the trend?

LEARN TO BALANCE WORK LIFE WITH OTHERS

The trying times are here and whiles it comes along with myriads of challenges and as well as opportunities, it is making it almost impossible to do most of the things we use to do. In these times of severe economic depression, a prime concern is having a regular job that guarantees sufficient income to cover the needs of the family. However, this is not always easy, especially when hundreds of thousands of workers are being laid off. If you are one who suddenly becomes unemployed, the challenge is to take vigorous action to find another job almost immediately to sustain yourself and your family.

Yet still, there is much more to life than hard work. No one on his or her deathbed will say, “I wish I had spent more time at work”. There are a lot of people who have gone through different types of trauma and almost all of them come out of these situations with a different attitude to life and how it should be lived with fun. None of them so far have expressed regret for the times that they have enjoyed before the incident. Such examples should give us an indication of what should be more important to humans than what we concentrate so much on. Living a satisfying, meaningful life obviously involves making time for secular work. But what else? For spiritual needs, for family, and for recreation. How can you care for other areas of life in a balanced way?

Working long hours without proper rest or recreation can deprive you of many joys in life. It can also lead to serious health problems.

Chronic work has been linked to obesity, alcoholism, heart disease, workplace accidents, drug dependency, anxiety, fatigue, depression, and many other stress-related disorders. Overwork can also be deadly. One report estimates that in Japan about 10,000 people die annually from overwork, as many as die in automobile accidents in that country each year. This phenomenon labeled karoshi, “death from overwork” stretches far beyond Japan.

Yes, balance is vital. Do not let your profession become your obsession. Protect your mental, physical, and emotional health by taking time to rest and enjoy the fruits of your labour with a little bit more of happiness outside work place.
We should learn to work to live and not live to work. Balancing work with rest and leisure will also help you care for the needs of your family. But this is not easy, especially when you have fees and bills to pay each week or month.

If even we think we can’t, you should gradually learn to balance work with family life. Today many families are over-scheduled and under-connected. Work now tends to squeeze most of the energy from parents whiles the kids then gets the little of what is left with the minimal time they spend with their parents and guardians.

Its time to assess yourselves and identify whatever is causing too pressure in your work environment and reexamine your priorities in order to make the necessary changes to balance work life with other important lifestyles most especially the family.

All the same, it is understandable that most families have a hard fight just to cover monthly expenses. Some spouses have to work long hours and if possible have to take two or more jobs just to get by. Whiles leaving the children with family members or caretakers.

It is possible to find different ways of balancing work and family obligations. However, the key point is not forsaking the joys of family life by placing too much emphasis on work. Be assured that balancing your work, recreation, and family needs will bring you rich rewards that will be worth more than you might be enjoying now.

The Little Things of Life

The world that we have to know since birth starts very little and grows into something big. We live each with the experience of the past and a vision of the future whiles putting less value on the importance of the seconds, minutes, hours and days of our lives. Sometimes we live as if days are all we have but those days are made of the little things that combine to become the weeks, months and years that we have become so used to.

It is incredible to realize that we seem to be forgetting that each day is overflowing with possibilities that we can use to make a difference and affect the human system in general positively. Many of those opportunities may seem tiny and of no consequence, yet we have no way of knowing where they can lead. If all the people we know started various theories and principles had known that their simple thoughts would lead to the tremendous influences that they have had on our world, I believe they would have worked extra harder to at least achieve their aim and experience the results before they will live this earth.

A large amount of the ideas that are making breakthroughs in the modern, started as very small projects that seemed insignificant for most especially those who did not see the future of those things. These disguised small opportunities were nurtured and gradually took their time to grow into big businesses and organizations.

Let us take a second look at all the little things around us. We do not necessarily have to see its future from the word go. Let us be humble enough to be willing to take care of the little things, and our efficiency at doing so will put us in a situation where we can influence the big things. Let us find out how we can make just a modest, average, optimistic input and we will be well on our way to big, extraordinary achievements.

We should learn to let go of the assumption that our time is too valuable for us to be bothered with the little things. Let us take a moment to remember how it took us to start crawling before we learned to walk and jump. It was each step at a time. Not all steps at a time. Indeed the little things that we mostly neglect can make the difference between success and failure with every opportunity that we are given.

It is easy for people to sideline big visions and ideas that we might have with the excuse that it is impossible. Let us just hang in there and hold on to our biggest, most ambitious vision we can ever imagine. And be willing to get our hands dirty doing the little things that will make the big dream happen.

Let Your Life Lessons Count

Many things we use in life come with manuals to guide us in putting them to proper use. Fortunately or unfortunately, life itself is nothing like that. Yes it is true that it is possible to consider all the education you are given either formally or informally as the manual. But it is far from the truth. No matter the situation, our lives are never the same. We might be born from the same mother, dress the same way and do a lot of thing the same but the approach, appreciation and feelings towards those things are always different. Have you thought of the DNA, figure prints and the other biometric system syndrome? Its pretty amazing that all those things around or embedded in human beings are the same but uniquely different in so many ways.

We never finish learning about life and we can never finish too. This because we have a lot more to and it will continue for time immemorial. The day we finish learning about life, I can say will be the end of life because human beings dwells on curiosity and the need to understand everything in order to know how to deal with it. What we all have to understand is that every circumstance is a lesson to be learned. From the most ordinary everyday activities to the most intricate venture, life seems to be always ready to educate us on something.

The pretty amazing thing is that life is ever ready to teach when we are willing to learn. And the more we learn from what life offers, the better life becomes. No wonder the edge to learn from life never stops. Everybody wants his or her life to be better than they finally find themselves. In short, life is growth since no human being wants to be stack at where they are. No matter our situation as human beings, we always want to move from one end to the other in order for us to enjoy the outcome of change. It is true that sometimes we are not even prepared to move but the world moves us along and that mostly brings a lot of anxiety and resistance.

Life is full of lessons but it’s not all the time that the lessons are that obvious. Yet they are there if we will think to take a look. From now onwards, let us take our time to understand our problems and frustrations because there in there will be our lessons. The lessons are present in every moment, in every predicament and in every frustration. They are there in every victory, every discomfort, every sadness and every joy.

Life brings along with these lessons to help human being live a better life, a life that is filled with fulfillment. The challenge is for all of us to identify these lessons in the various challenges, moments of happiness, frustrations and so on. Each lesson we learn prepares the way for a new and even more valuable one. On the other hand, every lesson we ignore keeps coming back, again and again.
No matter what it takes, life will teach and continue to us its lessons whether prepared for it or not. Let us choose to become pay a little more attention to those moments in our life that we detest or cherish so much. Those moments did not just pass by for nothing but for a reason. When we become a willing student, those lessons will be worth more than it was perceived to be in beginning. Take time to count the lessons in your life be it good or bad and let the lessons of your life count.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

Life is has a lot to offer you no matter who you are and how you seen yourself. You have to go through life enjoying every moment of it because you will not have that opportunity again. It such that, it is only looking ahead and not backwards same as any human being should do.

There is no need to resist life and its enormous abundance. Release yourself and let your life flow throughout your environment as was meant to be. You should be beaming with laughter, good health, blessing, positivity, and all of life’s goodness. The line between happiness and sadness might seem very large to some people but it is very faint. It is easy to replace your happiness with worries just because you don’t seem to understand what is being offered to you at no cost. Life is worth living and you need to live it good.

Let the goodness of life flow through your thoughts, your actions, your words and your feelings. Do well to wipe out all doubts and fears that seem so real but which exist only because you keep them alive. You have the power to influence yourself and most especially people you come into contact with everyday. So you do not have the right to entertain any of these negativity in your life so as to affect other people around you and the world at large. We are humans and with the advent of globalization, nobody can be said to be too far feel the effect of the other. Decisions by one person can affect others either negatively or positively millions and millions of miles away. So why waste your time on negatives attitudes.

Substitute those reservations with beautiful, authentic dreams. Swap your worries with powerful, positive willpower and the commitment to be your best in everything you do no matter how insignificant it might seem to you. It will not be easy but never give up. Keep working hard at it and you will be glad you did.

Living at your full potential is well within your reach right now. You simply must make the choice to do it. The choice to do it is not the hands or decision of any politician, association or group but you. People can tell you what they want but the last decision to either act or not rest with you. Make no mistake, life’s happiness is not about boozing, dressing, eating, smoking, sleeping around, and all the likes that we seem to notice around the world. Your better life deserves a more positive approach where not only you will be proud of but anybody who comes your way everyday.

Many days will come in your life although we cannot guarantee for how long since we all have an end to face no matter our situation. But as long as you are still living and going through this day, you might as well experience it in the best way you can. In all you do, open yourself to the fullness of life’s magnificent possibilities and that will make you understand the world better.

Try something new and make the choice in every moment to give your best and to take in all the value that is yours to be lived. Let go of your guard and struggle. Be bold to enjoy your life and make it positively influential.

OUR INVALUABLE HERITAGE

In the years back, families and communities cared for each other and had each others interest at heart. As a result, we used to feel very much secured in terms of a better future that had little for us to be concerned with. This way of life has continued for over centuries and we have all become so much used to it. No wonder human beings have generally been brought up to believe that life owes them something and if they are not able to receive it, the blame game quickly jumps in. Unfortunately, the truth most people don’t want to face is that, life does not owe us anything. The reason is because life has already made available to us everything we need and will ever need. If we refuse to see and identify all the things and opportunities that life has made available to us, we will not have any reason to blame anybody. After all, we owe ourselves the civility of working to make the most of it all for as long as we live.

We are alive in a world filled with boundless possibilities. Your purposeful, focused, and persistent actions can transform any possibility you choose into great value. These possibilities are what make life worth living. There is more to life than just pretending to be living, drinking, eating, dressing, making friends and moving around the world without making much positive impact on the lives of people who come our way everyday of our lives.

Be assured that the abundance to which you already have access is far greater than anything you could think of so do not hesitates to ask what is inside us for more. However, what we can ask of ourselves is to make it all into a meaningful and rewarding experience. Like the heroes of yesteryears who still influence our world and our lives with the novel ideas and actions, we all have to strive to live behind if not more, a little mark that can be used to associate with us even after we have left this world.

In life’s great abundance we will find more than enough energy and resources for magnificent fulfillment. The need for fulfillment in itself should be strong enough to keep us going like our satiable need or edge for food, companionship and the likes. It is up to us to create and express that fulfillment through our thoughts, actions and commitments.

All the things we see around us that were created by human beings started in the mind. People gave themselves the chance to look at things and issues differently and out of that, those ideas, products and services were born. We have to continuously make the effort to think of new ideas that will make life better than we came to meet. This thinking process need not be an out of space idea but the simple ones that brings joy and happiness to life in general.

When ideas are generated, it becomes necessary for action in order for its effect to be felt by other people other than the idea generator. Day in and day out, people share their ideas and most of them ends with the idea generation and sharing. But it is not enough in the modern world to generate ideas but we also need to act on them or they become obsolete. These actions will be the basis to create a better world for the young ones coming up.

In the end, commitment in continuing to improve on what is already there as well as working hard to sustain what has already been created is very crucial in every endeavour. Commitment will be the important driving force to keep any endeavour moving higher and higher whiles making it more relevant to its purpose. That in itself is another of leaving a priceless legacy and not necessarily creating something new.

We owe it to ourselves and to our best possibilities to fully bring those possibilities to life. We owe it to ourselves to make the effort and to do the work no matter who started it or who is supposed to sustain it to create the unique fulfillment that only we can bring into being. We were all created in different ways and for different purposes. However, our uniqueness joining together is what will make our generation worth mentioning in the many years to come. Our precious, unique life connects us with all that is, as we grow up to know and understand the world that we live in. We should understand that through the little things we do every moment from now onwards, will be our opportunity to more fully express our invaluable heritage.

I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH GIRLS part 2

Girls are too clingy
Since my childhood at least as far as I can remember, I had seen my elder brother and a few other people, how their girlfriends cling to them and hold on to them whenever they are walking behind 'closed doors' around the neighbourhood. I remember I use to think that it was more than necessary. In my mind, I was thinking that the guys did not like the posture but had no other reason to refuse due to the love they have for them. That prompted me to think, what kind of love is this? How can you be stuck with one person for the rest of your life whiles there are so many other people you could have a relationship with not necessarily intimate one.

Apparently, it was because I had seen lots of girls fighting over guys they thought way cheating on them just for walking or talking to the girls. That situation really puts me of off. I don't understand why I should be stuck with you alone and not be that close to any other girl or female friends just because you suspect that I might be having an intimate relationship with them. Suspicion is suspicion without any proof. Personally I don't think I should be the one to judge you for whatever you do or have done.

After all, we will account for our stewardship one day. To be honest, there are so many worse things we do in isolation that other people might not know or will ever know and our conscience seems to remind us everyday. That kind of torture to me is more worse than anybody else accusations. I have always made myself open to relationships of all kinds provided the person who comes to my life can learn from me and I can also learn from him or her. It is as simple as that.

I never look at a girl whose dressing I find insulting twice
We all love to see girls dress well and look good especially if they are 'our taste'. But sometimes I wonder if some of them get to seek second opinion with their dressing before walking out of their abode. You meet girls who are wearing red scarf, blue ear ring, violet eye lashes, pink nail polish, green bag and the list continues. I sometimes wonder what kind of taste young men are asking for that demands that amount of colours just to make the body look attractive. Ladies, just take your time to wear something very simple and you will still look good if only you will know how to manage it well. After all, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Too many colours and combinations scare some single and searching guys like us. Its not that I cannot approach that kind of girl but one of the first questions I ask myself is, can I afford these accessories in addition to taking very good care of the girl?

Why should every girl or female pretend to be so weak?

I have taken my time to study a lot of ladies and I have realized that most of them wants to play the weaker vessel in almost everything. But I was hoping that girls or females of the modern world would rather play a major role in making the world better and therefore, the affirmative action campaign. It is true that girls are not created to do everything in this world. Personally I feel that they can but they are not willing to try. After all they do most of the work but we pretend to be doing that because we are the stronger ones.

All the same, I think the challenges of the modern world calls for reciprocal obligation and not the who is stronger attitude. I think that we can all contribute to each others upkeep and not be stacked with what society has prescribed for us since time immemorial. It is no more just a mans place to provide all the money for the woman to go to the market, bring food, cook, wash bowls, bath the kids and prepare for the actions or in-actions of the bedroom.

At the same time, it is no more just the woman's place to only receive and act on what she is told to do. We all have a role to play from day one to the end. It does not matter who you are or where you come from. The world is tough now and it will continue to be tougher at least in our live time. Lets partner to make the relationship grow in order to make both of our lives and the lives of the off-springs better.

Why can't a girl tell a guy that she loves him and for that matter propose to a guy?
Yeh! yeh!! yeh!!! we have all heard of the cliche that the guy will not take me serious and will consider me to be too cheap. The truth is that, the reason why the old fashion marriage where families looked for suitors for us succeeded is because the whole family was involved.

Family members even took the liberty to nurture potential boys and girls for us and that made life very easy whenever we were ready for marriage. The union was not between individuals but families and since no family wanted to be disgraced, they almost always looked for the better ones for us. And it worked didn't it?

Unfortunately for the modern girl and boy, we live individual lives far away from the family and they have no hand or help due to the onset of globalization. So, if you think you have strong feelings for somebody my sister, just go ahead and make it known to the person. It is not a crime to do that. After all, the worse the person can do to you is say No! and that is all.

The magic word here is to be really sure that, that is how you really feel for the person. At the same time, watch out for those whose intention might be just to use you and move on. In this life, there is no manual for anybody. We try and some of them works others do not. In fact, it’s only in Ghana that it is taboo to tell your boyfriend you love him unless you do not mean it and just trying to get something in return.

Some girls complain so much that Ghanaian boys are not romantic. It takes two to tangle so if I am not romantic, what prevents you from being romantic too. I know some of you will come up with the excuse that if you don't do it, why should I. My dear sisters, you have been seeking women empowerment for sometime now. I thought the girls should have been empowered by now to go for what they want no matter the consequence.

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GIRLS

I am not really sure if the term 'girl' I used above is appropriate for what I want to share with you but I will still use it anyway. I was not sure if I should use girl or female or women. All these adjectives have made me very confused with the depth of what I want to say. In case you feel offended, you feel you deserve more than a girl, my million apologies to you. If not, lets box on.

I am a young man who should be having a girlfriend if not more than two as many young people do but I find myself without one for the past three to four years. I am sorry I cannot go through the details of what has actually caused this situation of mine. The summary is that, the last girl that I went out with that I was hoping to tie the knot with had something else in mind.

Please, do not get me wrong and go on a wild goose chase to think of her as doing anything bad to me like cheating on me or something. Its far from that. She was a good girl who up till now, I still think that she does not have the guts to do anything like that looking at her nature. All the same, human beings can be very funny sometimes so you will never know. Not even if they tell you so. That is not the point anyway because I do trust her a lot. So the end result is that, I have remained 'girlfriendless' from then till now.

Lets go back and do a bit of catch up and then we can come back to the substance of this long story of mine. When I was about seven to ten years, that was a few years after my parents and I came from the then Ivory Coast. I loved dancing and watching movies a lot and so you will almost always find me at wake-keeping (spending overnight morning dead people or dead body). During those times, that was the only place you could dance to loud music while attracting much attention from people around. There were just a handful of people who even had black and white TV to show kids programme if any on TV.

Whenever I got to these places and I was dancing, I noticed that most of the girls just standing and gazing at my moves and admiring (or so I think). Some of them who are bold enough will gather the courage to come over and attempt to dance with me. The unfortunate situation was that, I was and still a very shy guy. So I could not even try to meet them halfway just to appreciate their boldness. After all, it’s not common in our society.

Another unfortunate situation was that, I did not have two people dancing or pair dancing skills. I mean, during those times, I had the Ivorian dancing style where I would just swing and twist my waist around and blending it with some body movements that made it very difficult to dance with somebody without stepping on the person’s foot or knocking her with my knee or my head. Can you you fathom that kind of dance?

Because of that, most of them learned the hard way that they should not get close to me especially when I am dancing. Those whom I consider to be more courageous will come around after the dancing period to talk to me and praise me for my moves. During those times we did not care so much about the names of the moves we were making like the young people do today. Nowadays, when you dance without making certain moves that is so called current, you do not know how to dance especially among people in the cities.

Anyway, I was almost flooded with different girls every time I got the opportunity for people to watch. I quite remember once I had to dance in front of my uncle’s shop and a lot of people passing by will just throw money on me and some other guys that I competed with for our performance. But gradually, I came out of dancing because I became conscious of a certain inabilities of mine. I could not do anything much without being afraid that somebody will tease me with that and that ended my dancing period of my history.

I was personally not that interested in girls because I was most afraid of getting a girl pregnant and having to take care of her but I would say they were interested in me. When a few friends of mine identified this, they made it a point to take advantage of that opportunity. What they did was that, when they see a girl they think that they were interested in, they will ask me to talk to her for them. In my case, I liked that too because it meant that it was going to reduce the number of girls who will be looking up to me for future intimate relation or marriage or something. I mean, once I had to run away from school because a girl was chasing me that she loved me. Can you imagine that?

I did quite well mediating as we use to call it 'betweener' then. It gave me the room to play around with girls that I was not having intimate relationship with and do all that I wanted without having to sleep or have sex with them. I thought the idea was very commendable one so I did it very seriously and well.

One of the girls for instance was selling 'kenkey' (Ghanaian dish made of corn) in front of my house. Whenever I was given money to buy food, I will just go to her and tell her I was hungry and she will give me food to eat free of charge. For that reason, I made sure that I was not eating from the house so that when I am given money, I will go and eat for free and use the money to watch movies at the various cinema centres in town.

I know by now you are wondering so what is it about girls I do not like. Well, do not loose hope yet, I was just reminiscing.

Personally these are the problems I have with 'girls':

I don't want to just propose to a lady whiles I believe in my heart that I am not ready to commit yet. I am not really sure but, is that wrong on my part? I say this because I value my integrity a lot and as a result I want to be really and extra sure before I open my mouth to propose to a lady. I remember the first time I proposed to my first sweetheart, Olivia. A senior of mine who was also a house mate thought the girl likes me so I should propose to her.

I did not like the idea because I had never done it in my life before. This girl was bold enough to fight with some classmates of mine in the dormitory because they were talking about me. She will then come to class the following day to tell me all about it. I thought about it for a day or two and I decided to heed to the advice given to me by my senior.

I was not and still not the kind that listen to any advice and just jump into action. But this one, I had to because I love to try and have a feel myself. One of the things that made me choose to do it was that, the girl was bold in my books. I mean, when I meet or see bold girls, I just melt for them. Not in the sexual way but it encourages me to do whatever I can to help them in whatever they are doing.

I remember the first time I was transferred to the school, I just sat on the first seat that I could find. The day ended and I went home to prepare for the next day. I came back the following morning and sat on the same chair. A young lady walked into the class and started screaming in a small and soft voice. She started moving back upon seeing me on the seat and saying that she never sits with males.

Nooo!!!!! she will not sit with me on that double seat bench. You can imagine how embarrassed I felt on my second day in a different school. I just looked at her and I could not imagine what she meant by that. I just looked on and I could not do anything about it. One guy in the room asked me to sit beside him at the back of the class. I embarrassingly stood up gently and moved to the back seat. It felt like three kilometers journey because the lady was still standing outside waiting for me to sit first before she sits on her seat.

At long last, I got to the seat and sat down. Almost immediately, this beautiful black girl walked in and asked what happened and those in the room explained to her. She immediately said I could come and sit beside her because we hail from the same town. I gently stood up again and moved to her sit. She asked me to sit in the corner whiles she sits on the first seat. By the following morning, she had asked me all the questions she wanted to and told me not to mind the girl who treated me that way. I just nodded my head and thanked her.

From then on, one issue after the other and she always complained about her mates and how they were treating me to our seniors in their dormitory. We even came with an idea that we wanted to start a church and she said I was going to be the head pastor and she was going to be head pastor's wife. Upon hearing that suggesting, I decided to give it a try. I came the following morning with a letter that I had written the previous night. Well decorated with yellow flowers on the background and stickers at the top. I just slipped it into her book and left for home that day after school. She came to class the following morning pretending as if nothing had happened. After closing I asked about the response to my letter and she said no in addition to some reasons. I felt disappointed in myself and left the class without saying anything to her.

When I came to school the following morning, I decided not to talk to her again because I thought she had disgraced me. Throughout the day, I was moving from one seat to the other because I had found my feet and knew my way around. By the end of school hours, she brought me a letter explaining why she said no but she had thought it over and had decided to say yes to my proposal. I laughed my head out with my younger brother on the way home. I came the following day with a gift. I will end that long story for now.

She is married with twins if you care to know. Since then, I have never proposed to a girl either with a letter or by mouth again. What do you think the reason is?

THE PROBLEM OF LONELINESS

The world has become very close now since the advent of information technology. However, we have become much more apart than ever. Although information technology has contributed to bring people closer and made it very easy to reach friends and family as well as new people at far places within few seconds, the relationships we share have also become very complicated and distant. Since the introduction of mobile phone calls, text messages, emails, online social networks, chat rooms etc., there has never been a time when the means of communication were so numerous and easy to come by. Nevertheless, people still feel lonely in this information technology world where mass connection is the order of the day.

This issue has the interest of some researchers who took it upon themselves to look into the worrisome development. Such research work was done by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick in the book “Loneliness - Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection”. The research work identified that “increased internet use can increase social isolation as well as depression when it replaces more tangible forms of human contact.”

It is common to find the modern person running here and there to finish one thing only to jump into the next thing that can keep him/her busy. All can be attributed to the frenzied rapidity of life forced on by the modern demands of society. This phenomenon has degenerated into a situation whereby it is no more conducive to warm human contact.
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The above picture can easily be associated with the workplaces and office. But the situation has sunk deep into the various homes of the modern family. In the modern homes, it is easy to notice that family members come and go without sharing meals or conversation. Young children now have their own computers and live virtually isolated life from the rest of the family. Ironically, in spite of all the electronic communication gadgets available to young people, many youngsters feel lonely.

It is widespread these days for the bonds of marriage to be threatened by feelings of loneliness purely as a result of inadequate communication. Lack of good communication between marriage partners can bring about a condition in which the two lead parallel lives, moving in lines that seldom meet. A feeing of being alone while living with a marriage partner is one of the most distressing forms of loneliness. It abuses and renders the purpose of marriage and holy matrimony meaningless.

The world of mass connection, among many other things can cut off companionship with their children and other family members, leading to feelings of loneliness to increase the more. Also, many single people long to have a companion, but their emotional needs remain unfulfilled no matter the varied kinds of communication available to them.

It looks as if loneliness is gradually becoming or has already become a social evil that can contribute to all sorts of deviant behaviours like alcoholism, overeating, drug abuse, promiscuous sexual behavior, and even suicide. It is therefore important to identify the causes of loneliness in order for the appropriate remedies to be determined to deal with this concur. Taking this first step can lead to success in coping with the problem.